> "choosing to own it" looks a bit like "have you tried to not be so sad" when facing depression
It's fundamentally a conscious choice - unlike depression, which has deep links with chemical equilibria.
> how unevenly shame is distributed; some people seem like they simply don't get it whereas others are drowning in it
Shame is essentially a social concept. A child raised by wolves would have no concept of what shame is (at least not human shame). It's clearly the case that early socialization with parents and peers is what shapes one's perceptions of the subject.
> It's fundamentally a conscious choice - unlike depression, which has deep links with chemical equilibria.
Just a heads up, I saw an article the other day talking about how new research might show that depression might not actually have deep links with chemical equilibria:
The fact is not rooted in it, doesn't mean there is no relation - if anything because the drugs do work to reduce or remove depression in a lot of people.
It is also possible (or likely?) that what we call depression is a collection of different conditions with similar presentation where some forms may be more related to chemical equilibria than others. E.g., https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-018-32521-z
As an alternative heads up, our entire experience of reality is subject to the whims of poorly understood chemical and physical homeostatic states. I just recently decided to pursue some genetic testing due to the night and day difference in my mood and motivation supplementing methylfolate (B9) and methylcobalamin (B12) had on me.
It turned a mild bout of depression and long standing un-medicated adhd on it's head to the point that I feel like telling anyone who is looking for a "strategy" to first make sure their biology is in order. It helps loads. In any case, if someone knows how sound the science around MTHFR is I'd love to be wrong on the internet and hear about it (about 1 in 5 is the rate I was quoted for abnormalities with that methylation cycle).
While I don't know much about the specific solution you recommend, I do appreciate what you said about us not knowing too much about the chemical an physical homeostatic states.
Maybe what I was originally pushing back against was what I thought was the expression of certainty over specific chemicals causing depression, when I think there's a lot more we don't understand about the chemicals and even depression itself than we may admit, including any causal links.
Thank you for pointing out that the analogy is not perfect, there are fundamental differences (such as depression being a defined pathological condition and shame being an emotion ranging from healthy and useful to pathological). But I will not be surprised if you can see structural or biochemical differences in the brains of people suffering from pathological shame.
My main point in both the statements you quote is that "choosing to own it" is too hard or difficult for some people and, in practice, not an option although it is in theory. And perhaps it can become a realistic option with enough psychosocial support or psychotherapeuric treatment. It is not about wanting enough or being stupid, see e.g. borderline personality organization (not the disorder);
> Healthy people might have trouble visualizing what it is like to live with this "borderline" level of personality organization. Healthy people understand that who they are is not determined by a particular action, in a particular moment in time. They know that if they behave poorly one minute, this one bad behavior, in this one moment of time, does not define who they are. They are still able to recall all the wonderful things they have done in the past, and plan to do in the future. People with a fragmented sense of self are not so fortunate. If they just did something "bad," they literally become a bad person (i.e., they start representing themselves as an entirely bad person with no redeeming qualities). When this occurs, they can no longer access any of their good qualities. This is a terribly painful state to endure. (https://www.mentalhelp.net/personality-disorders/three-level...)
In general, we should be careful to tell others to just choose differently (I am not accusing you of this) as it may often be rephrased as just be someone else - which is possible in some regards, difficult in others, and impossible in many cases
It's fundamentally a conscious choice - unlike depression, which has deep links with chemical equilibria.
> how unevenly shame is distributed; some people seem like they simply don't get it whereas others are drowning in it
Shame is essentially a social concept. A child raised by wolves would have no concept of what shame is (at least not human shame). It's clearly the case that early socialization with parents and peers is what shapes one's perceptions of the subject.