Thanks for your detailed and thoughtful response and kind offer. Clarification: I am a civilian, not a vet.

Nothing has changed here. I am still as suicidal and cynical as ever. While I am very likely to chicken out and not complete suicide at this time, it truly is my only remaining goal in life -- not specifically to die by suicide, but rather to be dead as soon as possible.

Thank you again for your very well-thought out reply w/ insightful comments.