Yeah. I recently had to manage my time and divide it on multiple axes (Technology, Business, Lifestyle, Culture).

Lifestyle contains family time, time with friends, fitness, etc..

Like I said, about a year ago, I realized that the main reason I was learning my ass off is that I wanted to give my loved ones a better life.. I kid you not that when I realized that the very reason I was working that hard was driving me away from them while living under the same frigging roof, I cried like a baby.

I mean, here I was, wanting to make it that they never have to worry financially, and yet I wasn't spending time with them.

My parents are old, and just thinking they might die before they see me succeed and before I can really take care of them and my other siblings is killing me. I want to send my nieces and nephews to a great college. I want my siblings not to worry about money. That's why I almost don't sleep and try to get good. I read everything.. I really don't care about myself if I could get them a better life. And from a logical perspective, I don't have to: I'm the youngest one, they all work, some are married and have kids, but somehow it kills me to have my own flesh and blood live a life that's not the way it should. They shouldn't budget.

But I realized it might go at any moment. And I spend time with them. But fuck, man. I look at family photos: the things they've lived (brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews and my parents). Thousands of pictures spread on so many years and I'm not on them. For so many years just because I want to offer them what I thought they want.

I lived my whole life with my family, but ironically away from them.

It's also sad that as I wrote every word of this, I started sobbing and struggled to finish it and make it seem normal.

That's kind of it for me too; I looked at all the work I was doing and I figured it was all for a better future, we were never going to stay in the city we were in much longer and "just one more year" of learning and working and everything will be for the better.

We finally moved all of our stuff this weekend to move over to a new city, but not the way we imagined it.

It's never too late to change and start new memories with friends and family, and I've already started doing that, and hopefully you're doing the same.

The reason why some or most people crave for work all the time, remain busy all the time and work hard all the time is that they don't know how to enjoy the emptiness of mind.

They fear that if they stop, they will fail. Life is not about winning or failing. It's only about enjoying life in its entirety. People just get restless when they don't have anything to do. They must find something to do otherwise it will drive them insane. And it's because they learn almost everything about their work but they never seek to learn how to enjoy life.

You will always find plenty of work but you will never find same loving relationships, same loving people and same awesome moments. If you don't value what you have now and try to cover yourself with the blanket of work, then when your time here starts to come to an end you will take nothing with you except grief, sorrow, pain and lifelessness.

I read somewhere; the biggest loss is when the life inside of you dies while you are still alive.

Thank you for sharing. You are absolutely right. I suspect that most of us live in a state of imbalance even if it doesn't appear that way from the outside. We typically neglect some aspect of our lives while giving other aspects more attention.

You will do it again at some point and that is OK. You will have a better sense of what is important to you and act accordingly.

Thank you for sharing your pain and experiences. Hope it saves others from a similar plight.

As for yourself, if you change your priorities you can find love again. Second time around you will no doubt be more appreciative of those who choose to share their journey with you.