Preface: one thing I like about PG's essays is that even though I often strongly disagree with his position, they really make me think, and force me to clarify my own position in my mind.
The essay said, "people can never have a fruitful argument about something that's part of their identity".
Hmmm. I don't think that's correct at all. For example, I have a great marriage, and my wife's a big part of my identity, but we've had many fruitful discussions about marriage and related issues. Being a Christian is also a big part of who I am, but that doesn't stop me having fruitful discussions about it (admittedly usually not online). If it's with an atheist or agnostic, sometimes I'm sharpened, and sometimes they're challenged.
There's a big difference between being blinkered, and having strong but clearly-argued positions that weave in and out of your identity.
Husbands and wives are a special case. They know they can't afford to let a disagreement get out of control. You may be able to talk about controversial topics in a situation like that, where some kind of external force keeps the participants civil.
I think husbands and wives are a special case only in that they are almost always significantly motivated to preserve their relationship. And that is the key to avoiding the useless discussion problems PG saw. When it is important to preserve relationship with someone else (even only met in an on-line forum) then a discussion won't degrade into a "religious war".
Ironically for the context, this view has crystalized for me from religious teaching.
The essay said, "people can never have a fruitful argument about something that's part of their identity".
Hmmm. I don't think that's correct at all. For example, I have a great marriage, and my wife's a big part of my identity, but we've had many fruitful discussions about marriage and related issues. Being a Christian is also a big part of who I am, but that doesn't stop me having fruitful discussions about it (admittedly usually not online). If it's with an atheist or agnostic, sometimes I'm sharpened, and sometimes they're challenged.
There's a big difference between being blinkered, and having strong but clearly-argued positions that weave in and out of your identity.