Been running jabberd for probably >10 years. Horrible experience (for the users) and terrible clients. Sometimes you'd just appear online while not sending/receiving anything.
I switched to Nextcloud Talk after Skype shutdown and migrated all my family there. They love it. We have a private cloud, we can share photos and other files, great mobile support... The only issue at the moment is relatively long delay before receiving a message (up to 30secs?) since I've been too lazy to setup redis.
I see these comments a lot from people who have very old deployments and didn't keep up with changing best practices. The users of these deployments also tend to be using out-of-date software such as Pidgin to access their account.
There is zero reason for long delays or lost messages in XMPP.
I switched to Nextcloud Talk after Skype shutdown and migrated all my family there. They love it. We have a private cloud, we can share photos and other files, great mobile support... The only issue at the moment is relatively long delay before receiving a message (up to 30secs?) since I've been too lazy to setup redis.