I agree, when you say you're going to do something then obviously you should also do what you say and say what you do. But my guess is even just saying I learned you don't feel heard about xyz and I will try to pay more attention to you your concerns when you're talking about xyz shouldn't be hard to commit to if you care at all about whomever you're talking to. Hopefully they are a bit disarmed and realize you're trying. I don't think this is a silver bullet, and I think the article makes that point at least a few times. The point is to try and stabilize and correct the vibe if it isn't really justified. If you are going into a warzone then you probably need different advice, hopefully this isn't the norm though and you aren't a hostage negotiator or something.