Words have definitions. Investment and profit, for two. You can't just handwave that away. Your conclusion is "anything could be anything" which is utterly devoid of any meaning.
Define them then, in a way that is consistent with every other law that makes use of those terms.
Do you not get taxed on your income if your paycheck is paid in bars of gold?
Would you not call purchasing something to enjoy a return from it's ownership as an investment? Whether it is a consumable, or it produces something that isn't cash?
