I have not told a lie in roughly ten years -- although something bugs me about that statement, rankles me deeply, so I suspect I may have said something wrong at some point. I do, however, keep a lot of things to myself. I can speak truthfully without injecting lies, and I keep silent when it is obvious the truth (as I see it) is unhelpful or causes trouble. I will occasionally dodge a question, too, in order to keep conversation flow moving; it is another form of keeping silent, although some will consider that that is a kind of lie (probably because they feel entitled to an answer). I am also apt to answer the question that somebody really meant to ask rather than the easy surface question ("Do you have spare change?" == "Do you have spare change that you are willing to give me?" ==> "No.").
How does that affect my relationship with my wife? We both have been able to be very honest with each other, and we have a relationship built strongly on trust and honesty. I hope I never break that because it would be a betrayal. It is really about the tone used to express the thought if the thought is important enough to express in the first place.
I despise the whole concept of "white lies". I despise people who dare to manipulate me, to condescendingly see after my own good or feelings by bald-face lying to me about something. Be honest or say nothing, but do not dare tell me excuses that are obvious lies, "socially acceptable". According to whom? Where do you draw the line between "white" and "black" lies? I do find it insulting, and I often do not mind calling people out on it; sure, things get uncomfortable, but they are the ones spouting deceit.
Perhaps it boils down to the notion that what somebody expresses is a measure of their integrity and honor. Somewhere I read a quote along the lines of... You can judge a man by two things: what he wants and what he is willing to do to get it.
It sounds like we have a similar approach to honesty. The way I see it the distinction between honesty and dishonesty is entirely in the intent. What is being communicated isn't always the literal thing being said. The same sort of interpretation employed with the "Do you have spare change?" is also what makes things like sarcasm still honest (as it's an understood change of meaning) and true statements that are meant to deceive dishonest. I see white lies as in the dishonest camp myself; if the best thing you can do is to avoid answering, that's the best you can do.
Delivery also makes a difference. There is some saying that "people who value brutal honesty value brutality more than honesty". Telling people the truth does not require one to be ugly and hostile. If you are being ugly and hostile while speaking the truth, it probably says you are an ugly hostile person more than it says the truth is ugly and hostile (though there are certainly cases where trying to frame it in a nicer way is extremely challenging if not impossible).
Taking the title of the article as an example to work with: As a woman who used to be quite plump, I found that some men liked me like that and had pleasant ways of remarking on the fact that I had generous curves. Observing honestly that a person is not thin does not automatically require one to agree that simply being fat is inherently something horrible and in desperate need of remedying, worthy of making one a social outcast who should promptly pursue personal torture to get in line with the social norms and expectations that "thin is in".
Keeping silent is a form of a white lie. If it causes trouble, chances are it is something that must be said in order to hold on to your supposed "honesty". The reason white lies exist to keep from causing trouble. It is not a bad thing.
I grant that people may believe this, but I disagree that it is true. If you ask me now my social security number, and I silently refuse to answer, or I ignore you, am I a liar? Of course not. I am not submitting a "white lie"; I am saying nothing.
If my silence is crafted to deceive you, that is another story entirely. There is a difference between "silence intended to deceive" and "silence intended to not answer". Usually there are other cues to aid in the deception, too, such that the response is not entirely silent (wagging eyebrows or whatever).
How does that affect my relationship with my wife? We both have been able to be very honest with each other, and we have a relationship built strongly on trust and honesty. I hope I never break that because it would be a betrayal. It is really about the tone used to express the thought if the thought is important enough to express in the first place.
I despise the whole concept of "white lies". I despise people who dare to manipulate me, to condescendingly see after my own good or feelings by bald-face lying to me about something. Be honest or say nothing, but do not dare tell me excuses that are obvious lies, "socially acceptable". According to whom? Where do you draw the line between "white" and "black" lies? I do find it insulting, and I often do not mind calling people out on it; sure, things get uncomfortable, but they are the ones spouting deceit.
Perhaps it boils down to the notion that what somebody expresses is a measure of their integrity and honor. Somewhere I read a quote along the lines of... You can judge a man by two things: what he wants and what he is willing to do to get it.