Thanks so much for posting this, I love the spirit of it. I'm passionate about my sobriety journey. I just got home from a dinner party of ex coworkers and friends. Being the only one not drinking is hard for me and a huge change. I used to lead the charge with booze, it was the thing that took my crushing anxiety away. It made everything more fun. Well, that can only last so long when you abuse it so much and it fucks up your life.
I successfully made it through tonight and will hopefully have many more successful nights. Love and strength to anyone else out there in a similar boat.
Didn't think I'd find something like this on hn. Good luck to you mate. I'm on the journey too. Almost 2 years now, was on the verge of brink and posted something on hn to which Dan, the moderator emailed me and told me to hang in there. At the time had no one, still keep a small circle and no immediate family. His words gave me strength to survive and possibly how I ended up in recovery instead of the other side.
HN: one of the last remaining Great Good Places of the Internet, a lone tavern in an iconic gateway town to the now not-so-wild west.
Beyond the western borders of this little town, the tech gold rush has both expanded to epic proportions, affecting all the economies in the world, and also gone through enough booms and busts that the phrase "gold rush" seems somehow off.
As more and more young'uns join and jaded veterans return to throng the tavern alike, it often seems to be on the brink of either exploding with the largest gun fight in history, or jumping the shark.
The secret is the man at the corner of the bar @dang, always around with a friendly smile and a towel on his shoulder. The only sheriff in the west who still doubles as the friendly bartender: always polite, always willing to break up a fight with kind words and clean up messes himself.
Yes a cold-hard look from him is all it takes to get most outlaws to back down, yes, his Colt-45 "moderator" edition is feared by all men, but the real secret to his success: his earnest passion (some call it an obsession) for the seemingly sisyphean task of sustaining good conflict - letting it simmer but keeping it all times below the boiling point based on "the code":
"Conflict is essential to human life, whether between different aspects of oneself, between oneself and the environment, between different individuals or between different groups. It follows that the aim of healthy living is not the direct elimination of conflict, which is possible only by forcible suppression of one or other of its antagonistic components, but the toleration of it—the capacity to bear the tensions of doubt and of unsatisfied need and the willingness to hold judgement in suspense until finer and finer solutions can be discovered which integrate more and more the claims of both sides. It is the psychologist's job to make possible the acceptance of such an idea so that the richness of the varieties of experience, whether within the unit of the single personality or in the wider unit of the group, can come to expression."
May the last great tavern in the West and it's friendly bartender-sheriff live long and prosper.
May I suggest the book "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace? I learned about it here on HN [1]. I have no alcohol issues, but there are some eye-opening ideas in that book that should appeal to everyone (unless you already are on zero alcohol)
"Alcohol is the only drug on earth you have to justify not taking."
> "Alcohol is the only drug on earth you have to justify not taking."
I find this quote really interesting.
Growing up in a western country where people drink a lot of alcohol, not necessarily for the enjoyment of it but to get "hammered".
I've countless times defended myself for both friends, family and new and existing co-workers for why I don't drink, and these people look at me like I'm some sort of alien.
According to "these people" I am in fact a weirdo, because I've spoken about the affects of caffeine, taking cold showers/baths, fasting etc etc.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, however, I hope there'll be a time where it's "acceptable" to go out with your friends, family or co-workers, and not be expected to drink alcohol or excluded just because you won't inject your body with legal "poison".
Note: I have nothing against people who drinks alcohol, but let's just enjoy each other's company and don't force it on me. Thanks.
May I ask when you go out with your other people what do you order exactly for drinks since you don't like alcoholic or caffeinated and probably sugary beverages too?
You can say you prefer tea, but when people notice you don't want any alcohol, they get upset and want to know what's wrong with me. Which is surprising because it's basically poison.
I dunno, when I ask for decaf I usually get tons of crap from people wanting to tell me how my choice is wrong and drinking coffee without caffeine is stupid and pointless. Coffee definitely has social pressure attached to it like alcohol.
As a Yorkshireman: We understand and acknowledge that people do not all have good taste when it comes to tea.
We therefore either assume you don't want to kick anything off (start a fight over tea), or that you acknowledge and are working on your failings in the tea department...
yea.. I don't drink alcohol. I am not specifically avoiding it.I just find it boring as far as drugs go. People regard me as an alien when they find out s I'll usually have a drink just to go along but I'll never drink it on my own.
Coffee on the other hand. coffee is life. coffee is purpose. all hail the elixir of the dark lord!
in all seriousness though, I drink like a whole pot just to take up in the mornings. black
I think a problem with not drinking is people think 1. you are no fun 2. you have a problem. So sometimes I find I will even have a drink because I don't want people to speculate on me having a problem.
It can be helpful to frame things from a perspective of self-discovery. You may uncover new truths about yourself and the world that you would otherwise never have found. It builds character, good luck!
Congratulations and good luck. I think it's the hardest habit in the world to break for some of us, in part because the rest just can't understand. People are either unsympathetic or too sympathetic, if you get me. Keep on building those "muscles" to carry you through social situations. Sobriety has many rewards.
Passion is an awesome word in this context. Meaning: irresistible
motive, intensely emotional heat, rage, or love. That is love for you
(yourself) - the good non-narcissistic kind of self care. And you're
getting a reward. Abstinence does not have to be suffering. Thanks for
sharing this. Carry on.
Good work! I stopped drinking two years ago. After year one of the pandemic, I came to the realization that alcohol brought zero positives and many negatives to my life. Being in lockdown with few options to go to pubs provided the space to make the break.
My local friends are all moderate to heavy drinkers, but they also respect my choice and it’s not awkward to be the only one not drinking. If you don’t have a friend group which respects your choice, try to find social groups based around an activity. Otherwise it could be very difficult.
Congratulations and thanks for sharing! I'm on the verge of making the same step. Hopefully, I will have the same kind of respect from friends and coworkers.
But I think I would be remiss if I didn’t leave this here. Victories are nice but it a long journey…
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self- seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that A higher power is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
At social events just think how you’ll feel jumping out of bed without feeling shit.
Remind yourself of times spent head in the toilet.
Think of all the brain cells you save.
In time do the same with tobacco, coffee and sugar.
You aren't alone. I started drinking more during COVID. Before that I only drank socially or once in a while, but then I decided to explore the world of bourbon. I bought a bar cart, got into reading reviews, and really luxuriated in the experience of searching/buying/sipping/rating. It's a fun hobby, but it is also pervasive and expensive and I've lost sight of how much is too much. Drinking 4 oz every night has become the norm, because it is the perfect relaxant to the end of a stressful workday, but getting drunk every night isn't good.
Good on you, and may you find plenty of wind to keep that ship sailing. I'm totally with you on this.
My extra two cents: generally refuse to answer "why" and the "how long" questions. My personal responses are "because I won the drinking game" and "not long enough". I find these to be more far more truthful and useful of answers anyway.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey - it's a difficult path, I've had friends and relatives who were similarly afflicted and it's a complex addiction to resolve when it takes hold! Keep at it, a day at a time!
On a sobriety challenge myself until 10 aug 2023. I used to be a social drinker. I’m doing this to get a solid basis in being sober. It allows me to say no more easily in later years
I successfully made it through tonight and will hopefully have many more successful nights. Love and strength to anyone else out there in a similar boat.