Work on your mental health first. Changing careers itself is stressful. Your code doesn't have to be pretty, you can use it as fuel for a hobby you actually enjoy doing after work/weekends. It could be photography, plastic model building, racing cars at track days, tennis, golf, etc.
The key there is also to join the communities to engage and learn, along with getting outside.
I might suggest an approach in parallel. If development sucks that bad for OP, getting steamrolled by some shit while trying to pretend like they're not getting steamrolled is maybe not the best plan.
The key there is also to join the communities to engage and learn, along with getting outside.