* below is based on my own personal experience, and journey.
some of the comments I have read below are about “what to do” to increase confidence.
While these are super useful, they are most likely a bandaid, with a scar that never heals. I have come to learn this lesson myself.
There is the “generic” advice that you will find all over the blogospheres “exercise, meditate, take up a sport etc. ” I tried it all. It works up to an extent. But does not really help you generate true self confidence (IMHO).
What I am going to discuss below is not generic(I.e exercise). It is a process you could use that will answer some key questions and is fully customised to you.
Some warnings/tips first:
- This process is super difficult.
- Effectively you have to confront or re-live some of your most difficult memories
- You will initially feel like you aren’t making progress
Stick with it
- do not do this if you believe you have serious psychological issues
- have someone you can talk to about this, a friend or confident who could help you make sense of it
- speak to your family(Brothers, sisters, parents ) as well. They could help you Clarify details and lend support .
-This
Process has worked for me as mentioned above
- Also note this is a never ending journey. You will always discover ways to improve.
- It’s the first time I am actually writing it down. I use this process as more of a heuristic rather than an algorithm. Take what you need and modify as needed.
So the main question is, based on yours is:
how does one develop a sense of true-self confidence?
The process:
1. Start with a question, as you have.
2. Then reframe the question: ask Why am I.... x
I.e why am I not confident?
3. Start journaling, log and reflect on the times you feel like this. The “why am I...”
questions to ask: who, what, where, when, how?
4. Pay attention to your thoughts at these times. Pay attention to your body and how your fee in it. Jot them down. Do this for a few weeks.
5. This is critical: Reflect on your history as far back as you can go. Note down major life incidents, good, bad, Conflicts etc. I prefer to do this visually creating a timeline. Then mapping events, what i thought at the time, who was involved etc. Similar to the questions in your journal.
6. Review your journals/notes and timeline. Look for a link between your history and your triggers/thoughts/feelings/fears
7. Speak to others involved in key incidents. What was going on, how did they see the situation? Is it similar to how you have seen it. What do they remember? Note these down. How did you feel?
8. The key question you want answers for when reviewing your timeline and journals is: What in my past is influencing my behaviour and actions today?
In other words review your timeline and then link to your notes, journal.
I am almost certain you will find it in this process.
If anyone has questions ping
Me on email. If this is useful and you get value. Let me know once you have been through it.
some of the comments I have read below are about “what to do” to increase confidence.
While these are super useful, they are most likely a bandaid, with a scar that never heals. I have come to learn this lesson myself.
There is the “generic” advice that you will find all over the blogospheres “exercise, meditate, take up a sport etc. ” I tried it all. It works up to an extent. But does not really help you generate true self confidence (IMHO).
What I am going to discuss below is not generic(I.e exercise). It is a process you could use that will answer some key questions and is fully customised to you.
Some warnings/tips first:
- This process is super difficult.
- Effectively you have to confront or re-live some of your most difficult memories
- You will initially feel like you aren’t making progress Stick with it
- do not do this if you believe you have serious psychological issues
- have someone you can talk to about this, a friend or confident who could help you make sense of it
- speak to your family(Brothers, sisters, parents ) as well. They could help you Clarify details and lend support .
-This Process has worked for me as mentioned above
- Also note this is a never ending journey. You will always discover ways to improve.
- It’s the first time I am actually writing it down. I use this process as more of a heuristic rather than an algorithm. Take what you need and modify as needed.
So the main question is, based on yours is:
how does one develop a sense of true-self confidence?
The process:
1. Start with a question, as you have.
2. Then reframe the question: ask Why am I.... x
I.e why am I not confident?
3. Start journaling, log and reflect on the times you feel like this. The “why am I...” questions to ask: who, what, where, when, how?
4. Pay attention to your thoughts at these times. Pay attention to your body and how your fee in it. Jot them down. Do this for a few weeks.
5. This is critical: Reflect on your history as far back as you can go. Note down major life incidents, good, bad, Conflicts etc. I prefer to do this visually creating a timeline. Then mapping events, what i thought at the time, who was involved etc. Similar to the questions in your journal.
6. Review your journals/notes and timeline. Look for a link between your history and your triggers/thoughts/feelings/fears
7. Speak to others involved in key incidents. What was going on, how did they see the situation? Is it similar to how you have seen it. What do they remember? Note these down. How did you feel?
8. The key question you want answers for when reviewing your timeline and journals is: What in my past is influencing my behaviour and actions today?
In other words review your timeline and then link to your notes, journal.
I am almost certain you will find it in this process.
If anyone has questions ping Me on email. If this is useful and you get value. Let me know once you have been through it.