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It's a hard way and I've been struggling with this, too. I had depressions and a burn out and felt like I wasn't worth anything.

Took me quite some time to realize that I'm really good at some things and that people value me for that. Those things are not always work-related, but we often define our value or our self esteem by success at work.

I'm sure you're really good at something, too and people value you for that. Find out what it is, and use that confidence to grow in other areas. Think like "I can make people laugh, so I can handle phone calls with customers". Yeah, that's oversimplified, but this worked for me.

To be honest: I'm still struggling, but every day I feel a bit better and more self-confident. It isn't much when viewed on a daily basis, but looking back it's drastically different (and better) than two years ago.



> but we often define our value or our self esteem by success at work.

That's amusing for me to hear. Because I'm very successful at work, but have self-esteem issues because I don't define my value/self-esteem by success at work. I'm pretty jealous of your ability to make people laugh. That's something I find really difficult.

One thing I've noticed is that different people value different things. I have some friends who really value humour, and being around (only) them too much can damage my self-esteem as I'm not able to provide one of the things that they really value. Whereas other friends of mine don't care so much about humour and value my time, care and attention, which is something that I'm much better at.

Find your people!


Dito!! I totally agree with this. I am good at alone task. I have low self-esteem while interacting socially or trying new things or feeling about my abilities about code (I am good but I do not feel that).

I find my faults and think very negatively and feel other persons superior to me. I am trying to change that but Its really very hard.


Defining value and self esteem based on our skills and abilities (either work-related or not) is one of the main causes of burnout.


Hm, maybe this got lost in translation, but I found that I'm more than my work. That helped me. Your mileage may vary on this.


I have been trying to read Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. She discusses about how our self-worth is often tied to our abilities to do things.


It obviously is. I think it might be something about finding your place in the herd. Like "mammoth killer no. 1" or something like that. These days we might be used to think that our worth is only defined by our work. At least that was my problem.




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