I keep reading that people become aware of their own mortality in their 40s. Is this a common experience? I've been acutely aware, and terrified, of it since I can remember. If anything, I find that I have better emotional tools to manage this awareness now in my 40s than ever before.
It was for me. I buried several dear and close family members.
Oddly enough, this is an advantage in life that combat soldiers have that most modern people don't. Once you get to know and like somebody and they die -- right in front of you -- it changes you. Do that a dozen times and you realize that nobody's getting out of here alive. It's just a matter of when you punch your ticket.
I don't fear death like I used to. I think about what having a "good death" means: how I want to experience my last days. I also find that reminding myself of my imminent death is a good way to stay focused on my mission.
Put differently, when I was younger all I thought about was myself. Now that I'm older and have watched people come and go, I realized that for all intents and purposes, I never existed. I'm just here an extremely brief moment to hang out and see some stuff. To the universe, I'm like a gnat. (I half-joke with my friends and tell them I'm an anti-solipsist. It's more true than joke)
Combine that with the second great truth about life, dying is one of the most natural processes there is. Everything dies. No matter who can think of, they've either already died or are about to die. It is no more unusual than breathing. Or sleeping. From the outside, it looks like some people do it well and some poorly.
These two things are not depressing as long as I keep my focus outside myself. What have I decided my mission in life is? How's that mission going? Who am I helping? How can I help them better today? You stop looking at yourself and start looking out in the distance, the rest of this stuff is motivational, not depressing.
ADD: One of the implications of this line of thinking is that people in pre-industrial societies, where there were large families, lots of exposure to death growing up, and perhaps a more solid external value system instilled in childhood? They may have had a much better opportunity at a happier life early on than we do.
> people in pre-industrial societies, where there were large families, lots of exposure to death growing up,
Considering how much time and energy was devoted to ideological systems centered on denying the finality of death, I have a feeling they didn't have any healthier an attitude towards it than we do.
Though, having dealt with a number of dying patients and their families, it would be great if people in the US could at least get past the denial stage and accept that dying is a real thing. It's not giving up, it's not failure, it's not whatever; it's the way we all end up.
I was like that and thought that too. What I discovered now that I am in my 40s, is that my own mortality is not the problem (yet anyway). Age has taken some of its toll, but not enough to be able to really imagine old age. Like too many people I wrote about turning 40: http://markos.gaivo.net/articles/40.html
It's mortality and fragility of closed ones that I have difficulty dealing with. An unexpected death last year really made me aware how relatively few times I am likely to still see my mother on our current 2-3 weeks schedule. Even optimistic hopes put this number in only few hundreds.
In general you become aware of mortality when you see loved ones (not just family) loosing the health, some dying, and you realize that your age isn't that much different. Something that used to be "they are 3 times my age" suddenly becomes "just 15 years older"
For me it was the acceptance that death is closer than I would like to think (i.e. It can happen easily and quickly without any kind of accident and the chances of it happening before I live as much as I've already lived are pretty high) that kicked in, not the realization it's inevitable.
Mortality not so much yet, I've not had anyone close to me die besides grandparents and pets; finances and retirement are however very much a thing now, like, I bought a house, have gotten some raises and such over the years and am living quite comfortably atm, and I'm now wondering how to best spend my money (I should probably pay off the house with any extras I have).
At 38 and just starting to try kick off a consulting career and/or acquire more specialized skills so I am in demand forever, my first priority will exactly be to pay off mortgage earlier -- I haven't even started (don't ask, I was very stupid with money and only started paying attention at 37).
(I am a programmer btw.)
Investing in not giving a shit one day even if you don't want to work for 2 years straight is in my eyes something I can't put a price tag on -- it's invaluable!
That being said, nowadays I always have money on the side -- either to have work pauses (like right now exactly) or be able to go on impulsive vacations with my woman.
Yeah. Chances are your parents were between 20 and 35 when they had you. So when you're 45, your parents are between 65 and 80. You see lots of obits of famous people who passed in that range.
Also you start to hear about people in your own generation who passed early. Distant, if you’re lucky, but close enough that you will hear about it.
And your kids will make you feel old each morning at 5am.
