And then you and your space are attacked publicly as being a place where nobody respects focus, men are constantly approaching women, and so on. Or someone blows up after being quietly and kindly asked that for the fifth time in two hours by well-intentioned people who are unfortunately less than omniscient and an article entitled "Woman harassed in hackerspace by brogrammers!" hits Jezebel.
Communications failures combined with the human capacity for reinterpretation are a bottomless pit of potential badness.
Maybe I'm just more cynical about people than you.
This sounds a lot like black-and-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking (psychology).
"If I ask a woman in a hackerspace ``want to chat?'' then .... Jezebel will print horrible articles about men."
"If I don't talk to the woman in a hackerspace then..... .. .. I am a horrible misogynist (?) because I am not encouraging her."
From Wikipedia, "Splitting creates instability in relationships because one person can be viewed as either personified virtue or personified vice at different times, depending on whether they gratify the subject's needs or frustrate them. This, along with similar oscillations in the experience and appraisal of the self, leads to chaotic and unstable relationship patterns, identity diffusion, and mood swings." I think sometimes folks get too invested in how to talk to women in tech. Do your best and move on. No one is going to fix this problem individually, and heightening every interaction into a chance for a Jezebel article is counterproductive. Not unless you are Iggy Azalea are you going to get Jezebel hate every time you move, so relax a little!
An environment has been created where the slightest of perceived infractions is maximally punished. You'll have to forgive me for not wanting to take that risk just because someone asked nicely. It's become quite clear to me that doing my best and moving on isn't good enough.
Have you considered the possibility that there's a real state of fear surrounding these topics? It renders everything toxic and every interaction becomes a minefield. It's not a healthy state of affairs, and it's not one in which telling people to do their best and move on offer is a sufficient response. It comes across as utterly lacking in empathy.
Communications failures combined with the human capacity for reinterpretation are a bottomless pit of potential badness.
Maybe I'm just more cynical about people than you.