I can share mine: I used this like a personal journal to release pent-up thoughts and introspect on my limited life experiences so far. I haven't written much recently, perhaps because I've become busy working on other stuff, or optimistically, because there are fewer big problems for me to contemplate.
It's just a Ghost template with some code injection, hosted on a Pikapods instance.
It's a bit vindicating seeing the volume of responses to this. It's possible this is a biased sample and not representative of the majority, but it's nice to know I'm not alone and at least 1 other has experienced exactly what I have.
I was always made to feel fundamentally broken, and I wondered if I was really that terrible. I had no clue why I was treated with such malice and made to feel so unwanted.
Adding my story to the hat - graduated in 2022, naively thinking the world was eager for new contributors, and having finished my degree, I could start working on interesting real-world problems right away. Instead, I got nowhere and spiraled into the most severe self-doubt, worthlessness, and depression in my 20-something years of life.
I had the opportunity to learn and contribute through volunteering, joining my first organization in 2023. Used to be a full-time thing, even what one may consider overtime. Now, I'm kinda spread thin with projects, and also done everything important to where the projects are in maintenance mode.
But finally having that proof - that I could learn, contribute, and do well. I think it was life-changing. Yet judgement and imposter syndrome still hits like - "well, you didn't get paid, so it doesn't mean anything. That's not real work experience." Heard that's basically what someone said about my CV.
Did a smaller project across 3 months, then joined a third org in 2024. Obviously, not pulling 40+ volunteer hours a week anymore, but I still do what I can. Big progress through small changes, doing more in less time, and all that.
I got to work on these projects, learn a few lessons, and I can now bring my ideas to life using what I know. It's relieving to have some control over my endeavors finally. I don't really need a tech job anymore, because I've gained the insight I once thought I could only get from having one.
Technically, I'm employed, but it's on the retail floor. Though I was unemployed for 27 months beforehand, over 3 years without starting what I once thought would be my career. And I'm about to be on the search again.
I think more physical jobs are catching my interest. I'm just focused on seeking novel experiences and further knowledge to broaden my horizons.
It's easy see from your articulation, your conveying thoughts across a long arc you are the real deal. Just from reading your writing I'd put you high on my list.
Keep your head up! What you’re up against isn’t a reflection of your worth but the state of things right now. That doesn't make the situation any better but it does mean it’s not a judgment against you and hopefully knowing that makes it easier to keep your head up high!
Thank you! Admittedly, I often worry my writing comes off as self-centered, rambling, or pedantic... but eh. Perhaps it's better to try than not. I'm sure time will resolve all, in one way or another...
I can share a personal account - I became disillusioned with the tech industry too, and decided I didn't want anything to do with it anymore. The difference is, I never even got my first job, so I can't speak as if I know everything, but I can attest to my own experiences.
I never considered other roles because of sunk cost fallacy. Developing an interest from a kid, going to school and college for 6+ years. With post-graduate unemployment lengthening by the day, I spiralled further.
I doomscrolled online, seeing others in similar situations get lambasted, and internalized how worthless I was, that I wasn't trying hard enough, and didn't have what it took to make it. Yet I did all I could and knew, put all of myself out there - so what was left?
Conversely, if I gave up, I was weak. If I worked in any other industry, that stat would come up about how "being underemployed in another field would lock you out of the industry for good." - I'd be considered stale bread.
My life's work would've been for nothing, so I handcuffed myself to joining the industry, and that's how months became a year, a year became two years without finding employment.
Some treatment is despicable. In the very first interview I had, I was laughed at. I was socially inept then, but that still didn't warrant mockery. Dehumanizing tests where I was observed silently, like a hawk. Months of waiting, after 4 rounds, only to be ghosted. Literally being rated and told I'm a "2" to my face by an interviewer.
When I finally decided to give up on my life's ambition and applied for a retail job, I got an interview within a day and was hired the next. I was able to learn quickly and get promoted to a lead within 3 months.
I worked with so many good people, and even if some customers and severe understaffing suck, finally finding a place where I feel valued saved me from offing myself.
Obviously, there's a lower barrier to entry. But ironically, I was always fed the notion that these were "low skill" jobs where I'd be miserable and abused. That's not what happened - it's the tech industry that drove me to want to die every day for years, even a self-inflicted head injury. And it's in retail where I developed myself further than ever, even with the bad aspects.
With my passion killed before even starting, I cannot imagine how I'd feel actually working. I'm aware it's more "who you work with," but with 8/10 interactions going poorly, and trauma from just thinking about it, I decided the industry's not worth the gamble for me.
I became interested in software as a means to solve my problems. That was why I started. But I realized I can still achieve what I want without prospects of a career ruining what I once cared for. Now, I get my fill through volunteering for nonprofit organizations and building my own ideas.
Looking for a new job, I found some roles that interested me. Deckhand, working on a boat. Car mechanic.
Some offered training with no experience, and seemed to pay decently, if not equivalently to entry-level tech, without the judgment and hoops. I've found interest in these more physical jobs, as they keep me healthy too.
Long story short - I think it's best to do what's best for yourself, within possibility. Whether that's continuing to explore software engineering in another light (Nonprofits, maybe? https://techjobsforgood.com/), or a whole new field. Life's too short to live proving oneself to someone else who doesn't even know you.
I've found that common online discourse tends to convince one to ignore problems and put up with abuse, just because someone else has it worse and "giving up" is weak. But screw what others may think about "privilege" - overwork is an issue... among many others, regardless of relativistic betterness. "Giving up" on the mainstream idea of success actually might've been the best thing to achieve what I wanted. Do you still like tech as a passion? Is there anything you've looked into that might interest you?
Not saying this is a good approach for OP, but I like this comment. Good for you, justinyee17. There’s more than one way to skin a cat, and you’re finding the ways that work for you. I think if I were to pursue something more physical, I’d try to go for something with a higher barrier to entry personally, I.e. I’d pick the car mechanic role over deckhand.
It makes me laugh that there is a lot testing tech interviews for soft skills things. I've seen people fail at those, but ended up as incredibly successful sales people which is pure soft skills.
Develop and advertise the premise of a revolutionary tech product that claims to transform the world using NFTs, crypto, and AI. After obtaining funding for explosive growth within 2 years, rug pull your userbase, raking in millions of dollars in personal assets.
Discard your identity, go into hiding, and run from the FBI for 32 days, until a group of anonymous hackers uses OSINT to retrieve all your data and triangulate your position from your cell phone.
Then, proceed to engage in an 8-hour standoff with the authorities until they flashbang the room and take you into custody. Plead not guilty in your court hearing, even though you know you are, and constantly bring up how you're a good person and always enjoy playing mahjong with your many, many friends.
You get sentenced to 10 years in federal prison, while your words garner sympathy from a niche internet subgroup that claims you were wrongly convicted. Continue to serve your sentence until you're released in 2035, when the job market will finally pick up again.
Since no publicity is bad publicity, at least one CEO will be impressed, regardless of your moral reprehensibility, and reach out with a job offer. But now you don't need to work, because you already have $32 million, a megayacht, and a lifetime's supply of lemon lime soda.
I'd take this idea further and surmise most problems in the world aren't solvable, with software or not.
At least, not in the way of "do X to fix Y." One person such as myself can't solve the climate crisis. Nor can they fix the online social dilemma alone. There are so many layers and nuances to these problems, and they aren't uniform across the board.
I've had the opportunity to volunteer, working on software for causes I find compelling - wildlife conservation, food distribution, and political discourse, to name some.
Realistically speaking, most of my work was unrelated to the overarching problem. One was a script to format Excel sheets. Another is a data annotation platform.
Yet those still play a role. Saving time with an organization's processes frees time to focus on other goals. More efficient data processing means more research can be done. More organized mailing lists mean more donors, etc. There's a visible impact still.
I also feel growing up, there was this pressuring, all-or-nothing mindset - either transform the world or be forever relegated to history as one who did nothing of value. Nothing felt like enough, everything had to be grand.
Over time, I've learned the significance of localized action - even within oneself.
If you solve a problem you face, you surely solve one that another has shared with you. The loneliness crisis is one close to me - if a social platform helps one person find a connection, it means everything.
You may not be able to change the whole world, but you can certainly change at least one.
Software may not be the solution, but it can be utilized to discover those answers better, put forth a better version of oneself, and perhaps even inspire more. Perhaps the problem never disappears, but just like a software project, we can iterate to improve it.
So, as for which problems are worth solving - I'd say the ones you know best. The ones that help you best, and the ones you're best equipped to solve - regardless of how insignificant they appear.
I think there are many dimensions to the perception of advice. I've ruminated heavily on this topic before; it took like 4,000+ words to express my thoughts, and even with that, I still have some new ideas to ponder.
Particularly in the online landscape, advice often feels superficial and doesn't account for nuances and personal aspects. Even worse, social media fosters absolutes - presented as an ultimatum.
"This is the right way to do it, and failure to concede to this truth means that you are doomed to failure, and the blame is solely on you." I can hardly imagine there's advice with the expectation of it not being taken.
When advice works, it's "see, I told you." Yet when advice fails, then it's just because you didn't do it right. Survivorship bias, in effect, makes the advice infallible.
In my experience, advice's value comes from the exposure to a concept or possibility unseen before, bringing one down a path of experiences that bring them closer to their desired outcome. Everything else is just fluff - words without seeing.
I think advice highlights only the conclusion, not the intermediate steps. A concept like "share your ideas online to have better conversations," for example. What ideas? Where online? What's a better conversation?
But strangely, it may also encourage one to take risks to crawl towards that outcome, fostering insight through those new experiences, regardless of whether the initial idea succeeds or fails.
Perhaps in response to said advice, one posts haphazardly on one platform that's too toxic. The inclement feelings push them toward one another, but it's too inactive. You make some mistakes in conveying thoughts, so you make changes to improve clarity.
When the words of advice are recalled again, the concepts have become visually clear. The experiences of developing prose and finding the right platform to facilitate it. This is what "sharing online" has come to mean. This is what a "better conversion" is - to oneself.
Those mental images represent the ideals behind the advice. Once, they may have conjured blanks, but now there's a clear vision of how they fit into and build one's own story - it's what everything means to you. Perhaps the exposure was a catalyst, but all the actions that led to this outcome came from the self.
I think it may also be interesting to delve into other reasons for people not seeking or accepting advice, aside from discounting others' experiences.
Perhaps one wants to save face. Vulnerability is often difficult, especially when the pressure to appear "self-made" is pervasive. Maybe asking is seen as a burden on others, and some feel obligated to make do with their own insight. I wonder what the distribution of responses would be.
To share my perspective: I don't believe working on what interests you most at the time is necessarily counterproductive. But like many things, it depends.
Likewise, when the road ahead remains hazy or I'm stuck on a problem with my projects, I often work on another one where I have a clearer vision of how to progress.
Eventually, motivation rekindles with new insight into the prior one(s). Maybe a collaborator finally reviewed my code and gave their input. Perhaps I discovered a new organizational pattern. Or maybe I just played a video game and noticed some cool UI mechanics to copy.
Sometimes in a week, sometimes months. Sometimes, even a failed idea from years ago reincarnates in another form. The desire and ability to work on the project eventually return - even if it's another temporary burst. Often, the source of inspiration comes from places I never could've imagined.
I take blocked progress as a sign of missing prerequisites or the timing being off. Therefore, your project will move to the next level when it does - only when it's ready to, and always at the right time.
I also think new projects give this dopamine hit because everything's novel. Building from scratch leads to large, visible progress. The ideal vision is fresh in one's mind.
But with time, it becomes a slow iterative crawl. New issues arise that I hadn't considered. All the fun stuff is already done, and the boring remains. The results aren't always as expected - perhaps I discover the entire premise is broken.
Admittedly, 20 projects sounds like a lot. I'm at about 5 projects occupying my mental / thought space, 2 that I've actually developed recently, and I feel that's already pretty heavy for me.
I'd say the determining factor of whether frequent change-ups is a problem would be your intrinsic reasons for switching.
Can you make progress, but don't want to work on it, or is confidence waning in the concept entirely? Or do you feel there's just more progress to be made in the new? Is there still a desire to return to the old?
If the latter, I'd say it's only a matter of time before you have 20 well-developed projects. There's no deadline, after all. Each can receive the time it needs to thrive.
If the former, though, there may be fundamental issues with the premise - but that's just a step toward the next big discovery.
Additional questions: When would you consider a project complete, if ever? Is there any overlap between them? Would you be comfortable sharing more details?
For me, a project feels complete when everything is done—full src, tests, and documentation. Most of my unfinished projects usually have only half of the src implemented, so that’s why they feel “stuck.”
There’s no connection between my projects; each new idea is totally unique and unrelated to previous ones.
I’ve worked on quite a variety: a new data compression algorithm, binary optimization, a logging library, an alternative to giflib, and many other library experiments.
Ah, I mainly work on web apps where a homepage is enough to be considered a functional base, but I suppose it's impossible to have 20% of an algorithm working...
If I may surmise, the answer to "what if" may just depend on how these unfinished projects affect you. Do you feel guilt or stress? Analysis paralysis?
A bit more personal anecdotes - I often put off stuff, which led to a growing backlog to think about, which kept spiraling. But also through the natural accord, there's a critical point where the stress gets so overwhelming, I snap and go "screw it, just pick something and do it already." And so it gets done.
Thinking about a whole project makes me dizzy, but I made progress with tiny parts at a time. Basically, the idea of solving a big problem by breaking it into a bunch of tiny ones, even as small as a one-line change.
When I was truly stuck, often it was because I'd thought myself into an unsolvable problem. "It has to be this way." I thought brute force would get me through, but there was always a simpler and better way I had to realize. Using a package instead of reimplementing from scratch, for example.
I've also found it difficult to work alone. It's impossible to excel at every aspect, and a project usually has multiple dimensions. Perhaps sharing more detailed problems to discuss (like this one!) could unlock some progress.
Though if none of these apply and there are no particularly negative feelings, then I think it's a matter of going with the flow until the time's right. ( ˘⌣˘)
I can share some thoughts, as I pondered the same question a few years back, as someone in solitude for much of my life. Social media seemed like the go-to answer, but due to past mistakes and experiences with mental health, I'd become starkly against ever participating in it again.
Through endless searching, I eventually discovered the existence of "digital pen pal" apps, where you can send letters to people directly.
Some correspondences lasted just a few weeks, and many went nowhere. I got a lot of copy-pasted, two-sentence letters. But two have lasted over two years and counting. We've shared life stories, triumphs and adversity, and photos of everyday life, even a world apart.
People reach out because they want to know about you, and vice versa. A lack of point systems and an audience watching means less ulterior motives, and with bio information, you can get to know someone before you even start corresponding.
Interpersonal relations often grow from proximity, repetition, and shared experiences. But online, I feel it's mostly just posting a broadcast into a fragmented void. Interactions are motivated by the headline or content, rather than the person, and once the discussion's done, so is the contact.
It's the promise of connection gone unfilled. The interactions of one-to-many, many-to-one, largely end up being none-to-none.
I think there's sites better tailored to build true connections. But regardless of an overarching system, I think just putting oneself out there (the keyword being "oneself") - in situations to meet people, is the greatest determinator.
My friends from penpalling told me they reached out because my bio, describing my journey and stories, stood out to them because they could relate. It was euphoric to hear I wasn't alone in my problems. Asking questions, sharing experiences only deepened the connection.
I recently joined HN, partly for these reasons. Ironically, in alignment with these statements, I responded due to the thread's topic and have largely focused on just the ideas.
I'm curious to know more about your background - do you have any projects you're working on? What interests do you have outside tech? I notice your "about" section is blank - let's hear more about you!
I hope you're well on your way to recovery. I've got a few ideas I can contribute to:
> I'm also suffering quite a bit of imposter syndrome due to not having a 4-year degree.
A degree isn't a finite indicator of a person's knowledge, capability, or achievements. 39 months after getting mine, I still haven't landed my first paid tech job to enter the industry, and I don't see that happening anytime soon, if ever. Granted, I haven't tried much in the past year, but it wasn't any better when I did.
I once rejected the notion outright because, with obvious bias as a college student, I felt it invalidated everything I'd worked toward. But it's become apparent my degree meant nothing in the industry.
On the contrary, you got a job and remained employed for 11 years. That piece of paper, or the lack thereof, didn't make a difference in what you experienced and accomplished.
> I'm suffering from a lot of analysis paralysis trying to select a side project for a portfolio. How do you keep yourselves engaged with pet projects? My github is a field of projects 1/4 of the way completed before I lost steam on them.
Personally I... don't. I started one of my projects back in August 2024. I made a homepage, UI, and a basic database schema... and then I blanked out on how to progress and hardly touched it for 11 months.
I got some wind in my sails again in July - almost a full year later. A whole year of new experiences and insights, inside and out of the tech domain, led to better practices and features never conceived the first time around. So even if you're not coding or even looking at your project, who's to say you're not progressing with it?
I read of this phenomenon in innovation called the S-curve, where advancements appear to occur rapidly in a short time due to a change in tech, paradigm, or process. Perhaps the next burst of progress simply requires time to find and cultivate through many seemingly insignificant insights gained from other experiences. No point in rushing through - if I'm not working on it, it's not the right time.
That's also why I have like a billion (okay, more like 3-5) projects going. I hit a brick wall on one, so I work on something else where I have a clearer vision. Eventually, something triggers a flash of inspiration, and with a fresh mind, I can return and hit that burst of progress in the S-curve again. Eventually, I'll have many projects with lots of progress due to the staggered curves.
Conceptualizing a whole project is daunting, too. Too many bells and whistles lead to a paralyzing spiral of overthinking and self-doubt. Everything has to be perfect and fleshed out. But the mantra of "done is better than perfect" rings true. Once there's a solid foundation, it's much easier to incrementally improve the project, rather than trying to get it right in one go, and eventually reach what was envisioned.
I find it important to remember why I started a project in the first place. With my own imposter syndrome, I always gravitated toward doing what was considered best practices to be a "real software engineer." I could never do right by myself, so I overcomplicated the tech stack and implementations to hell, following the words of others, trying to prove myself. If it wasn't complex and grueling, I wasn't doing anything worthwhile.
However, I eventually reminded myself that the code is the least important part of my software project.
I never started a project to have code, but to address a personally close issue or fulfill an itch. If the project addresses that goal, then why does it matter if the load times aren't perfectly optimized? Why does it matter if it doesn't scale to millions of users when I haven't even gotten 1 yet? Who cares if it's not "impressive" enough to hypothetical people I've never seen?
Implementation has its considerations, but shouldn't be to the point of blocking all progress. Certainly not to where working on the project isn't fulfilling anymore. So, sometimes, after a long paralysis, I yell at myself mentally to, quote, "Just freakin' do it already, for the love of everything holy, just write the fudging thing- [insert more aggressive self-yelling]", overriding my thoughts to do without that pesky thinking.
But yeah, those are my accounts with those challenges. Good luck wherever the future takes you!
It's just a Ghost template with some code injection, hosted on a Pikapods instance.
https://justinyee.net/